Jokes
Italian Tomato GardenItalian Tomato Garden
An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work as the ground was hard.His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament: Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles woul...
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Little Johnny at it again!Little Johnny at it again!
Another contribution from the Claphams! Little Johnny's at it again...... A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology ... Advice from an old manAdvice from an old man
When you see a woman.... And want her badly.. Please consider the following.... No matter how beautiful she is...... No m... Skinny Dippers Skinny Dippers
Another one from David Walker An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in th... Horse Asses Rule!Horse Asses Rule!
From David Walker Railroad tracks. The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. Th... Psychiatrists vs. BartendersPsychiatrists vs. Bartenders
Thanks to Isobel for this one, all the way from Canada Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my b... Password - Dares Yuh!Password - Dares Yuh!
The Clapham's strike again! During a company's recent password audit, it was found that a blonde employee was using the following ... Salford Bus ThievesSalford Bus Thieves
Two friends leave the pub. One says to other, 'I can't be bothered to walk all the way home.' 'I know, me too but we've no money ... POEM for Computer BuffsPOEM for Computer Buffs
From David Walker The computer swallowed grandma. Yes, honestly its true! She pressed 'control and 'enter' And disappea... A rabbit walks into a pub . . . . A rabbit walks into a...
A tale from David Walker A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman, 'Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese... Bet you didn't know this.......Bet you didn't know this.......
A lesson in history from David Walker There is an old Hotel/Pub in Marble Arch, London ... ....which used to have gallows ad... Johnny and JoeJohnny and Joe
From David Walker Johnny and Joe were talking one afternoon when Johnny tells Joe: "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vac... Poor Ainsley.......... Genuine mistake made in Ireland ... Poor Ainsley.......... Genuine mistake...
Another one to blame on David Walker Genuine mistake made in Ireland ...This was actually sold in the supermarkets - until they tw... Quite true! ! !Quite true! ! !
A thought from David Walker Ron Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6am. While his coffeepo... Behind the blushes: most embarrassing work mishaps revealedBehind the blushes: most embarrassing work...
Men more likely to suffer red cheeks in the workplace than women If you’ve ever had a hot and cold moment as you realise you’ve do... Street Gangs of Alberta CanadaStreet Gangs of Alberta Canada
It's gangs like these that the people of Calgary have to put up with.. A bit different from the problems we face in Salford - eh?.... For those who thought they knew everythingFor those who thought they knew...
From Andy The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for Blood plasma. ********************************* *... The Fortune TellerThe Fortune Teller
During a recent shopping outing in Ireland with her sisters, Patty O’Brien sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local rep... The rise and fall of Mr PillsburyThe rise and fall of ...
From David Walker Dear friends, It is with the saddest heart that I pass on the following. Please join me in remembering a grea... Guess who the Dave is in this one!Guess who the Dave is in...
Sent to us by.........yep, David Walker Dave was bragging to his boss one day, 'You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just n... England - World Cup Champ...............England - World Cup Champ...............
From David Walker The England team visited an orphanage in Cape Town today. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces wit... How many days old are youHow many days old are you
From David Walker This will give you a jolt! Just follow the link below................ The Pastor's AssThe Pastor's Ass
From David Walker (A bit rude but FUNNY!) The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The Pastor was so pleased with t... I am thankful I am thankful
Yes, David Walker's back again! For the wife who says it's hot dogs tonight, because she is home with me, and not out with s... Bring back any memories Bring back any memories
Thanks to Michelle Miles for this little item which can really make those of a certain age feel even MORE ANCIENT!! Someone asked... Pregnant at 61Pregnant at 61
Thanks again to the Claphams for this one! A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors. A... Yorkshire menYorkshire men
From the Claphams Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet. Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat." Vet: ... Holiday Complaints Actually recorded by Thomas Cook Holiday Complaints Actually recorded by Thomas...
Yet another contribution from David Walker (he should get out more!) "The beach was too sandy." "We bought Ray-Ban sunglass... This was quite an eye opener!!!!This was quite an eye opener!!!!
From David Walker Question 1: If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, tw... The Loving HusbandThe Loving Husband
Another goodun' from the Claphams A man had two of the best tickets for the FA Cup Final. As he sits down, another man comes ... Strange tales.Strange tales.
From David Walker 1) Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas sai... The HalfwitThe Halfwit
From David Walker A man owned a small farm on Barton Moss. HM Revenue determined he was not paying proper wages to his staff and s... Observations on Growing Older Observations on Growing Older
From one who knows..................... it's that David Walker again! (Is this him in the picture?) ~Your kids are becoming you...... Wife asks husband - some guys are braveWife asks husband - some guys...
Another brave attempt from David Walker! Wife asks husband, "How many women have you slept with?" Husband proudly replies, ... Welcome to the 21st Century !!Welcome to the 21st Century ...
From David Walker Our communication - Wireless Our phones - Cordless Our cooking - F... Paddy McGuinness Goes Goal Crazy As The World Cup Gets UnderwayPaddy McGuinness Goes Goal Crazy As...
Paddy Delves Into The Funnier Side Of Football Thursday 17th June 2010: With the World Cup underway, comedian and football fanatic... The redhead and eyeThe redhead and eye
Blame the Claphams again for this one! A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the n... The Importance of WalkingThe Importance of Walking
Another welcome contribution from David Walker Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old ... Forgetter Be ForgottenForgetter Be Forgotten
Your Editor received the following email from our regular contributor, David Walker My forgetter's getting better, But my remembe... HymnsHymns
From the Claphams That's the spirit... A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning. He said 'Toda... THE 84 YEAR OLD BRIDETHE 84 YEAR OLD BRIDE
A gem from the Claphams The local news station was interviewing an 84 year old lady because she had just gotten married ......... ... 4 Worms4 Worms
From David Walker A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were pla... TANJOOBERRYMUTTSTANJOOBERRYMUTTS
By the time you read through this you will understand "TANJOOBERRYMUTTS".....and be ready for China . Now, here goes... The fol... Dorothy and EdnaDorothy and Edna
From David Walker (bragging about his last two dates I think) Dorothy and Edna, two 'senior' widows, are talking. Dorothy... Medical distinction between Guts and BallsMedical distinction between Guts and Balls
Courtesy of David Walker (Dr?) There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We've all heard about people having G... Classified adsClassified ads
From David Walker These are classified ads, which were actually placed in a U.K. newspaper: FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 ye... Those were the days!Those were the days!
From Frank Wilkinson "When I were a lad, me mother would send me down to t'corner shop wi' a shilling, and I'd come back wi' ... Think YOU know geography Think YOU know geography
From David Walker Take the 'Pilot's' test below. Warning - it can become addictive! Just click on where you think the city... New Wine for Seniors New Wine for Seniors
The Claphams strike again! California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pin... Pricing a brainPricing a brain
It's those Claphams again! In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where a family member lay gravely ill. F...
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